Just ask

I used to feel like I would send my requests out to the universe – you know, trusting, asking, putting it out there and, amazingly, answers would sometimes come and maybe from unexpected places. And I would feel awed by the spirituality of the experience. Now I ask the internet.  Wow, what a toy, wow. It is a shake your head, pinch yourself, unbelievable-that-I-am-living-in-the sci-fi-future kind of thing, I reckon. Love it. And even more blown away than how completely I have always been blown away just by telephones! So now I ask the internet and the most amazing stuff is there. So many people have thought of so many things. But I have noticed a chink in its godly armpit (ha left that in cause predictive text is sometimes amusing) as it’s not so been so good for filling me in about my spirit friends. I would so like to hear, even a mysterious word, a clue, a whisper… Damn.

Authenticity – a dubious virtue

“Be your authentic self”. It is the new now, at every turn, in many more words than that, or on cute inspirational banners so convenient for re-posting. But I have spent years disguising my flaws, camouflaging my true intentions, artfully selecting the best words, smiling on cue, adapting for the crowd – the work colleagues, the drop zone parties, the family dinners, sure the contrast might be less distinct for some but shit, seriously, you think it’s a good idea to let it all hang out and be what I was born as?  Scary thought. No, I am destined to make do with the compromise and learn how to scrape some contentment of authenticity amongst my many masks. Just don’t let me neglect the variety cause I could perhaps slip into the medioocrity of one flavour suits most but only if I stick to vanilla environments. That authenticity is one I don’t aspire to.

Did the earth move?

I can feel the events of the last few weeks wrenching my insides into a new configuration. I am being altered at a fundamental level. I can feel it and I won’t be able to go back to who and where I was before. Experience is like that. We are the sum of it plus more. I want to guide this process because if I don’t I can feel it is going to default to a darker place than I used to inhabit. In the last few weeks I have had the fright of the disappearance of the first plane, how can that happen in our clever world, the rage and anguish over the second plane, crazy religious fanatics sweeping through whole countries full of self righteous hate and blood lust, I have witnessed deaths of strangers and the disintegration of the physical in a close relative. Friends have illnesses, murder trials are daily news fodder and they are dredging and dumping in the great barrier reef… Has the world shifted slightly on its axis this winter or is it just me?